Weird crimes of 2014

An irate Tim Hortons customer threw a garter snake behind the counter over a dispute about diced onions in December.

On the lighter side of the law, Canada also saw its share of strange and stupid crimes in 2014. Some have become almost annual occurrences, such as criminals who fall asleep at the scene of the crime or bank robberies that fail when the teller simply refuses to hand over the cash. Here are some of the more unusual Canadian crimes from the past year.

Drunken zebra break-in

An Edmonton man was shocked to find a drunk man wearing a full zebra costume, sunglasses and a baseball cap in his home at 1:30 a.m. back in May.

The zebra, a.k.a Marshall Ron Mann, had attended a costume party earlier that night and entered the wrong house in a row of similar-looking duplexes.

When told to leave, Mann threw a punch at the homeowner, who forced him outside. Mann urinated on a tree in the front yard, then threw more punches and started biting.

He pleaded guilty to one count of assault and received a 90-day sentence.

Streetcar named desire

Some randy public transit riders in Toronto picked a strange time and place to get amorous. In November, three people were observed engaging in some sexual activity onboard a TTC streetcar during rush hour on the city’s busiest route.

The driver hit the brakes and invited those involved to exit the car.

The amorous trio quickly fled and police were called, but no arrests were made.

Police didn’t elaborate on exactly what sexual activity was taking place.

Unssssatisfied customer throws snake

In December, a testy Tim Hortons customer in Saskatoon flung a snake behind the counter after he was denied diced onions on his sandwich.

Customers and staff bolted from the store but nobody was injured and the creature was determined to be a harmless garter snake.

The argument began when two men requested diced onions on their breakfast sandwiches, but were told the restaurant doesn’t serve onions that way. As the exchange grew more heated, one man reached into his friend’s coat pocket, pulled out the snake and threw it. There’s no word as to why he was carrying a snake in the first place.

The two men, both 20 years old, also fled but were arrested and charged with mischief and causing a disturbance.

Police found a temporary home for the snake, who’s been nicknamed Outlaw. Caregivers plan to release him into the wild come springtime.

(Nude) man bites dog

There’s something about 20-year-old Saskatchewan men and animal-related crimes in 2014.

In September, a nude man allegedly bit a police dog after a wild car chase in Prince Albert. Police initially responded to a call regarding a family dispute when the nude man, who was reportedly also on drugs, hopped into a car and drove of, evading police with several dangerous manoeuvres.

He crashed into a ditch and fled, then a police dog tracked him down and a struggle ensued. The man allegedly punched and bit the German shepherd, who was not seriously hurt.

The man was charged with dangerous operation of a motor vehicle, failing to stop for police, resisting arrest, and cruelty to animals.

Indecency with a cucumber

Toronto police arrested a man who performed an indecent act while holding a cucumber in a library.

In April, the 49-year-old man sat down next to a 26-year-old woman at the Agincourt library, opened his laptop and “then began to commit an indecent act while holding a cucumber,” police said.

He was charged with an indecency and two counts of failing to comply with probation.

Honesty not the best policy for drug dealer

Police in Hamilton, Ont., made an easy arrest in February as they searched a home for drugs. While they were inside a man knocked on the closed door. When an officer asked who was there, the man said “a drug dealer.” He was promptly arrested.

Santa Claus he isn’t

Back in Saskatchewan, a man was arrested after throwing bricks at police from a rooftop in Moose Jaw in May. He then tried to escape by climbing into the chimney, but fell about 15 metres and got stuck in the building’s furnace. He called for help.

Police and EMS eventually freed the man, who was also carrying a sword.

911 can’t fix the Wi-Fi

This isn’t a crime, strictly speaking, but it still represents a problem for emergency responders: 911 services in B.C. are asking people to stop calling them when their coffee shop’s Wi-Fi is down or their pizza is cold.

The province’s largest call centre recently released a list of the worst, most frequent nuisance calls. The worst were complaints that Wi-Fi at the local coffee shop wasn’t working. Also on it’s top 10 list: calling to request a taxi, needing help finding your glasses, complaining that delivered food is cold, and asking what today’s date is.

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