Can Kevin Bacon crush an unjust Alberta law?

Actor Kevin Bacon at the Television Critics Association Winter 2014 presentations, January 13, 2014. (REUTERS/Kevork Djansezian)

In times of strife and crisis, it takes a singular soul, a true hero to raise their voice and fight against injustice. Gandhi. Mandela. Martin Luther King, Jr.. Malala Yousafazi. Kevin Bacon.

As the citizens of Taber, Alta. cower and suffer under a draconian new bylaw that bans swearing and spitting, imposes a youth curfew, and imposes mandated “quiet times,” a group of Edmonton freedom-fighters are calling for Kevin Bacon to lead the resistance.

Taber’s repressive new regime has drawn plenty of parallels to the fictional burg of Bormont in the 1984 flick Footloose. So naturally, Ren McCormack (Bacon’s Footloose alias) is the hero needed to visit Taber and crush the new Community Standards Bylaw 4-2015.

The Edmontonians attempted to start a Kickstarter campaign (of course) to raise the US$100,000 the actor commands for a daily appearance. A dramatic silhouette pitches their case in a tongue-in-cheek Youtube video.

"We think that's super silly mostly because it's 2015 and Taber, Alberta, is a real place, not the setting of a charming 1980s dance-rock-themed coming-of-age story," it says.

Their goal is actually to hold “a raucous dance party/protest against an embarrassing, archaic, vaguely worded law passed by an out of touch town-council,” just outside of Taber.

"Help us bring a big-city kid to a small town who knows he has to win. If we reach our goal we will have the money to reach out to Kevin Bacon and have his people even entertain the idea of him showing up. Can we guarantee he will attend? Legally, no, but maybe Kenny Loggins is available."

Realistically, we have our doubts that a town that bans swearing and imposes a curfew on minors will suddenly reconsider its laws because the star of Tremors is hosting a dance party outside of town.

Also, there’s been no shortage of protest from other sources. The law has drawn a tidal wave of ridicule and even accusations that it violates the constitution, specifically the right to freedom of association, since it allows police to break up assemblies of three or more people.

The mockery has been so intense the town’s police commissioner issued a wounded statement earlier this week.

“It hurts my heart,” Ken Holst said. “I’m hurt today to read some of the extreme comments that have circulated on social media.

“We really feel this is the best for Taber and makes it a better place, as opposed to ‘the worst place on Earth,’ as the way some people are portraying this,” he added.

Awwwww.

The video does exaggerate a bit, saying the law bans music in public places. In truth, the law limits any noise that disturbs others and imposes “quiet hours” between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m.

Bacon hasn’t issued a response as of yet, so the iron fist of Taber’s town council continues to rule. We’ll keep watching this dramatic fight for freedom. 

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