Top o’ … the afternoon, to ye! It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and all across the country Canadians whose knowledge of Ireland encompasses Guinness, U2, and Lucky Charms are drinking dyed beer to celebrate a religious figure who might have chased snakes out of the Emerald Isle … or something?
Aside from terrible “Oirish” accents, the other thing you can depend on today is near-ubiquitous drunkenness, which so often leads to stupid and illegal behaviour.
One Ontario police force plans up-to-the-minute updates of St. Patty’s shenanigans.
Using the hashtag #SafeStPattys, Guelph cops are reminding revellers that they’re watching things closely today. Currently, they’re tweeting legal tips that will certainly be disregarded as the day goes on, such as fines for open liquor.
They’d planned to tweet updates from 6 p.m. Eastern until midnight, but the drunks got an early start; Guelph PD issued its first liquor tickets of the day just after 12:30 p.m.
Just down the road, Hamilton, Ont. has selected a local lawyer as the Wearing of the Green's Irish Person of the Year. Dermot Nolan, whose firm celebrates its 100th birthday Tuesday, has served on many local charities, is a former president of the Ontario Trial Lawyer’s Association and… has Irish ancestry. He’ll be feted at the not-so-Irish-sounding Michelangelo’s restaurant. And perhaps he’ll have some new clients tomorrow.
A tip for Toronto residents: if you spot the infamous TTC leprechaun, don’t try to steal his gold, or anything else for that matter. Based on his most recent legal run-in, it seems he tries to engineer lawsuits to live off the rewards. And besides, he’s obnoxious enough without you harassing him.
The occasion is a public holiday in Newfoundland and Labrador (celebrated on the nearest Monday to March 17), but they probably won’t enjoy it much since the province is being pounded by nasty winter weather. And maybe they’re better off.
Stay home, have some reasonably priced, non-dyed Guinness and don’t risk all the yahoos and drunk drivers today.